I hate feeling stuck.
Many of us have seen movies where a car gets stuck in the mud, and no effort or acceleration can get it going. The character has exhausted all available resources, leaving them no option but to figure out another path. At the moment of utter despair, they pause from their useless efforts, reflect on what’s not working, and creatively discover the path out. That split second of pause and reflection gives them a new engine they didn’t know they had before, one powerful and creative enough to pull them out of the stuck situation.
We all face situations like this where we feel stuck and need a source of inspiration beyond ourselves to discover a way through. But often, we keep spinning our wheels in the same mud we’re surrounded by, thinking that if we do more or try harder, we will find a way out.
Because of my work with Soma Churches, I am privileged to interact with church leaders nationwide. In my nearly two decades of vocational ministry, I’ve never heard such consistent wrestling with the ways things are and a longing for a new way forward than right now. Leaders are spinning their wheels in the mud, trying to do what they’ve been doing for decades, only to discover that the wheels are turning, the engine is revving, but there’s no movement out of the mud.
In his 2022 book A Non-Anxious Presence: How a Changing and Complex World Will Create a Remnant of Renewed Christian Leaders, Mark Sayers introduces the concept of the “grey zone.” Originally used as a military term, it describes when one cultural era is ending, and a new era is being birthed simultaneously. The old era is not yet gone, and the new era has not entirely begun. During the grey zone, it can be confusing, and norms are changing so rapidly it can be hard to keep up with.
In the grey zone of our current moment, we are easily tempted to run to the patterns of old, thinking a programmatic, left-brain-dominant style of learning will make healthy, maturing, reproducing disciples of Jesus. We can look to the places of cultural power to solve our problems, thinking the culture of a politically-driven church can birth the Kingdom of God in our midst. We know the call to make disciples, but we keep battling the culture people are being formed in.
There’s a better way. I believe coaching with powerful questions is the engine that gives a new perspective and reveals a new path to get unstuck.
New Perspective
I’m a notorious verbal processor. I’ve had to learn to tell people I’m processing out loud so they don’t think I’m communicating a decision I’ve already made. So much so that I even qualify things I’m about to say with, “I don’t know if I fully believe what I’m saying yet.”
But even if I have unlimited time to process it out loud with someone, it’s only my thoughts and perspective. I could go for a long time, think through all the different avenues I can think of, and still end up stuck.
Questions from another person force me to consider a situation from another perspective. As someone who regularly meets with my coach, I love it when I’m asked questions that force me to say, “I’ve never thought of it like that.”
Could the person tell me what they think is the answer? Sure, but it lacks the power of self-discovery that naturally leads to personal buy-in. Without that buy-in, people lack the drive to follow through on someone else’s idea. But if asked a question, given time to process, and discover a new perspective, this dynamic process can give people the new perspective they need to follow a new path forward.
Coaching is the environment where these questions can be asked so leaders can more fully align with the direction the Holy Spirit is leading them to make disciples.
New Path
It’s one thing for people to be asked questions and have new insight, but it’s another when it leads them down a new path in their life’s adventure.
John Seely Brown says it this way, “If you don’t have that disposition to question, you’re going to fear change. But if you’re comfortable questioning, experimenting, connecting things—then change is something that becomes an adventure. And if you can see it as an adventure, then you’re off and running.”
I’ve seen powerful questions ruminate in a person’s heart for years, giving them the needed direction and guidance to move forward. Whether it’s a family discerning whether to adopt a baby, a leader questioning their calling, a team member discerning if they’re the right fit for the team, or even a non-yet-believer determining whether they should follow Jesus. Powerful questions provide opportunities for people to discover a pathway forward on the adventure of life.
New Person
But questions don’t only have the power to determine what I am to do; they can clarify who I am to be. And this may be the most important of all.
The Gospel accounts reveal a Messiah who is a master at asking Spirit-inspired questions, and seeing those questions bring transformation in people’s lives. In the Scriptures, Jesus asked 307 questions, was asked 187 questions, and only answered 3! Was Jesus a teacher? Of course! But He was aligned with the rabbinic tradition that accomplished much learning and transformation through questions. And this provides a powerful example for our disciple-making.
Coaching is one area of our lives that can transform our hearts to be like Jesus. Through the coaching I’ve received, I’m equipped to disciple people in a new, powerful way. This pays tremendous dividends in the culture of my church. As I am asked questions that spur me on to transformation, I learn to do so for others. As I ask other people questions, they experience a similar transformation and realize the power of Jesus’ methods. This creates a disciple-making chain reaction that equips the church to be curious, ask questions, and point people to Jesus. When this is connected to disciple-making in the everyday stuff of life, people are empowered in ways like never before.
I still don’t like being stuck, but now I’ve learned that being stuck is an invitation to continue my process as a disciple of Jesus. Coaching provides the environment for me to be asked questions, equipping and transforming me as a leader, and my church culture as a result.
This is Part 4 of the Coaching for the Missional Church series. Other articles from the series can be found here:
- Part 1: We Need a Paradigm Shift
- Part 2: Drawing Out What the Spirit Has Put In
- Part 3: Catalyzing Transformation Through Questions
Are you feeling stuck as a leader? We want to support you on your leadership journey. Check out Saturate’s Coaching Cohorts or One-On-One Leadership Coaching and learn more about what coaching could mean for your leadership.
