Have you ever looked back over your life and thought, “I could have never thought this up”? I have.
Fourteen years ago, I was pastoring at a large church in Orlando and sensed the conviction that I needed to learn to plant churches. To provide for my family, I became an executive coach and eventually found a place in the corporate world designing leadership development programs. What I thought would be a few years has turned into many, and I’m grateful for it.
In these past fourteen years, I’ve worked in the medical care industry, semiconductors, non-profits, and manufacturing industries such as tires, property development, and more. The skills that undergird the ability to work in diverse places are coaching skills—the ability to ask instead of tell, be curious instead of judgmental, and draw out the wisdom that people already know deep inside.
Question-Asking as a Life Discipline
Coaching skills have not only helped me provide for my family during the church planting years, but they’ve also become a lifelong practice. My wife will tell you, I’ve become a better husband through learning to ask better questions and to discern what she needs versus assuming I should offer a solution to an issue. In the same way, as my kids grow up, these skills have enabled me to better listen to them and ask questions so they can come up with their own solutions. I’ve always been a curious person, but becoming a coach enabled me to intentionalize that curiosity. Some questions will take people to places they aren’t ready to go, while others prove more helpful to the place others are at in life.
For instance, asking questions that begin with “why” will take us back in time or stir introspection—”Why do you think that is?” While questions that begin with “what” will take us forward and help us explore how to get there—”What would it look like if…” as an example.
I’ve seen so many things happen by asking questions like this. Here are a few examples. Once, I questioned a stubborn salesman into forward-thinking to help me locate a difficult-to-find phone. Another time, I used my question-asking skills to calm down a drunk man at a bar and turned him into a friend. I’ve seen people come to faith multiple times through questions. And I’ve watched hard-charging executives find ways to soften their approach—all through great question-asking.
Why the Church Needs a Coaching Infrastructure
What would it look like for you to put a coaching infrastructure in place for your church where the power of question-asking could be used to support your leaders? Just imagine how the people of your church might benefit—a place for leaders to discuss what they’re facing in their small groups, missional communities, or microchurches and receive clarity and next steps forward. If you don’t already have something like this, I promise your leaders would breathe a sigh of relief.
I have many friends who have stepped away from the traditional church and are opting for more relationally-focused times with their friends or families. Some opt for simple times outside in the quiet during the weekends. While reasons vary for this, one reason is common—they were tired of perpetually consuming information. People need to be heard, given time to “not know” what to do next, and to ponder their own journey forward. When leaders don’t make space for people to have this time, people will believe “not knowing” doesn’t belong in the church. But it does. And coaching can provide a framework to begin to model what this looks like in a healthy way.
Jesus often made space to ask His disciples questions. For instance, once as they struggled to understand a parable, He asked, “Do you not yet understand?” (Mark 8:17). He even made space for them to dig deep about their beliefs around who He was. We see Him ask them, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” and, “But what about you? Who do you say I am?” (Matthew 16:13-16). Jesus knew that making space for His disciples to grapple with deeper questions was paramount to the heart-changing journey they were on with Him.
Four Supports Every Leader Needs
Every leader needs times of assessment, care, training, and coaching. Why not spend time asking each of your leaders what would serve them best? Then, in a monthly rhythm, make space to support them in the way they say they need.
Of these four types of helping conversations, coaching is perhaps the most unfamiliar. As an example, in a sixty-minute meeting, a leader (or multiple leaders) might come with an issue to explore, and their coach might spend only about 10-15 minutes giving any stories, insights, or teaching. The bulk of the time, he or she would just ask questions. Here’s why this is important: when your brain is thinking about a question, it can’t contemplate anything else. In fact, science has shown that when people are asked questions, they are more likely to act on them. While this is really helpful information, it can prove more difficult to step into. It’s hard to ask questions for an extended period of time because we’re trained in our culture to listen in order to respond, not listen in order to understand. On top of that, we live in a culture that values the expertise of the leader.
The body of Christ, however, is different. Proverbs 11:14 shares how there is safety in an abundance of counselors and that it’s foolish to answer before listening (18:13). James 1:26-27 shares, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, that person’s religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” Our failure to listen can keep us from the “true religion” James is talking about.
I’m no introvert, and this discipline has been hard for me. But I’m on my way to becoming a better listener and doer of the Word.
In a world often filled with noise and distraction, the art of questioning can offer a quiet refuge. It invites us to slow down, to listen deeply, and to seek understanding. By cultivating this practice, we can not only enhance our own lives but also inspire others to do the same. Let us embrace the power of questioning as a catalyst for positive change, both within ourselves and in the world around us.
Do you want this for yourself, or the leaders in your church?
We’d love to help. Check out Saturate’s Coaching Cohorts, One-On-One Leadership Coaching, and Onsite Workshop for Coaches and learn more about what coaching could mean for your leadership and your church.
This is Part 6 of the Coaching for the Missional Church series. Other articles from the series can be found here:
- Part 1: We Need a Paradigm Shift by David Achata
- Part 2: Drawing Out What the Spirit Has Put In by Todd Engstrom
- Part 3: Catalyzing Transformation Through Questions by Todd Engstrom
- Part 4: When Leaders Feel Stuck by Justin Westcott
- Part 5: Honoring Cultural Context by David Achata
